What happens as you walk down the sidewalk and see a cute girl walking towards you? You are out on the streets of New York City just running a few errands. Yet, out of the crowd of dull faces she emerges like a light. She’s at one end of the sidewalk and you’re walking towards her from the other end. Before you two meet at the middle of the sidewalk how do you feel about introducing yourself? Are you going to see her again under your own terms? Are you going to wait for some miracle second chance meeting?

There are a few points you’ll need to incorporate into your arsenal of game in order to achieve your intended outcome. I’ll give you some tools to help make things happen rather than waiting for things to happen.

Eye contact will allow you to hold her attention. You can lock eyes with her from down the street and wave. If you guys get close to each other and lock eyes, put your hand out and introduce yourself. Make sure to smile initially to demonstrate a positive frame. Holding eye contact and breaking it at certain intervals to relieve tension demonstrate experience.

Smile to show that you are not needy. If you walk up and introduce yourself and look like you’re having a bad time than what does that convey? It conveys neediness. It indicates to the girl that you have no emotional outlets and that you need her to fill that void. It’s an intuitive decision read by our unconscious minds that make first impressions lasting.

Body Language is also huge in generating attraction during an initial meet. Have your shoulders back and down. If you slouch you will tend to look unsure of yourself. If your hands are in your pockets you will come off as being insecure. Speak with your hands and emphasize points by using hand gestures. You can watch anyone with attractive qualities and mimic their hand motions; such as comedians, actors and musicians.

Tonality which is engaging will draw her into conversation with you. If you speak softly than you risk ruining the moment that could be created between you two. Speaking too softly will only amplify the fact that there are people around. Pull her out of her everyday routine and keep her engaged with tonality that fluctuates and ends with conviction.

The difference between meeting women in the night as oppose to meeting them in the daytime is simple. People need a reason as to why you came over to speak to them during the day. It is alright to initiate a conversation by asking for directions but how do you keep her engaged? Tell her the truth. “I didn’t really need directions; I just thought you were cute…” This will give you enough time to talk about recent topics of interest, banter, and give you reason as to why you should get her number.

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Bantering is attractive because it shows that you’re used to being social and you are used to being the center of attention. Not only are you used to being the center of attention but you’re also used to being able to make people feel comfortable around each other. The best way to start a conversation and continue it for the first initial stages is by bantering. This will allow people to warm up around you. It will allow you to make new friends quickly and effectively. Being the social ambassador and the bridge between friends makes you a leader. Being a leader gives you social status.

We know women are attracted to social status and personal value. When you banter you show traits of a person who values themselves. Bantering isn’t logical and being able to banter show’s that because you are able to have fun that you are able to say whatever you want, whenever you want. Women want a man that they can be themselves around.

Have you ever been in a long-term relationship and realized the closer you grew to each other the more comfortable you both were in just acting like little kids around each other? You can create this feeling of knowing each other by effectively bantering.

The reason why it shows so much and so little is being said is just that. No real content is being transferred and so non-neediness and non-approval seeking behavior are being conveyed. Asking “Where are you from?” or “What do you do?” may come off as being needy and approval seeking. Since someone of high social status has his needs met from his entire group of friends and family than why would he need to too seek approval elsewhere? He should have options and his emotional needs met elsewhere. Through having solid emotional connections with many people is a way of living a life full of abundance and non-neediness. Remember, you do not need these interactions and by bantering you’ll be able to most effectively convey that verbally.

Banter, what is banter some might ask? It’s a tool any social person should use in the beginning of any interaction. Banter is fun, playful light-hearted conversation. When you banter there should be no-content actually transferred between each other. Meaning that whatever it is you guys are talking about doesn’t need to make logical sense. It’s the kind of conversation you have with your friends and your younger siblings. It’s usually humor driven and performed by the socially fit. The more people you are comfortable bantering with, the more social status you will achieve.

Some people like to put themselves into a role-playing situation when bantering. If I tell my friend that I want to take him out on a dude date but, I say it with a smile on my face than it’s not taken seriously. Bantering should be the opposite of being serious. Bantering is also performed when you are joking around and talk in a way that people will know that you are just kidding. Usually with a big smile on your face your voice will change and become more light and fun. Most people can tell if you’re smiling when talking with you over the phone. This is because your voice becomes much more vibrant and excited when smiling.

There are few key points that will allow you to recognize when you or someone else is bantering. Smiling is huge when bantering because it allows you to stay positive and fun. Make sure you smile and allow for whoever you are speaking with understand that you are just kidding around and or just messing with them.

Also make sure that you are not answering and asking the boring everyday questions. Instead, create some challenges and change the questions into interesting ones. “What, do you do?” becomes “What do you do…for fun?” Now, you won’t be judging what she does for work instead you talk about how much fun it would be for you guys to go out and dance on top of the bar.

When she asks you a question and you feel like you need to infuse some more banter fun into the conversation redirect her question with a silly answer. “I am writer” becomes “I am a bachelorette party stripper but I also do barmitzvahs”.

Also make sure that you are not looking for a response. If you’ve ever told a joke and hoped to the god that someone would laugh usually people wouldn’t. Yet, if you say that joke (even knowing that it’s not funny) and deliver it with no intention of making any laugh except yourself than it’ll come off as funny. Laughing after a banter line will numb the sting of anyone not laughing a long with your joke.

Remember that initially banter is used to break the tension. People laugh when they feel confronted and humor displays a personality which is non-threatening. Humor is the way to most hearts out there and if you can be serious and be silly at the right times, you will be able to show a certain savoir fare most women long for. The only time you shouldn't be joking around is when she shares something with you she has an emotional connection to. In this case, you'll be able to accept her and build rapport.

I was listening to one of the best sales guru's audio tapes today and heard something I've heard plenty times before. It never gets old and its reinforcement is really uplifting. Brian Tracy said, and I quote “You become, what you think about most of the time”.

By thinking about what it is that you want and how to get there, you are allowing yourself to leave behind any doubt that you cannot achieve your goals. It is super important to talk about your goals. Talk about your goals to everyone all day. Soon enough, these goals will be the achievements you've become proud to have accomplished. For instance there was a whole year of my life I spent meeting people more often that usual. I went out and met as many people as possible while I was living in Miami.

I spoke with everyone I met about the things that I enjoyed most out of my life. At that time I had dreams of traveling and writing. I told everyone I met that I wanted to live in New York rather than just visiting for a week or two. Long story short but, I initially came up to New York for vacation and happened to had meet the coaches at The Art of Charm. On my trip back to the airport to catch the departing flight back to Miami me and my cousin got into a car accident. I ended up staying for a few extra weeks and gaining a critical role in the company after working as an unpaid intern.

Today's homework is to go out and make sure that no matter how outlandish or ridiculous your goals may sound to you now make them known. Put them out into the universe by verbalizing them. Just make sure that you are overtly optimistic.

Growing up, I was being told who I shouldn't be making friends with. More of often than I was told what to do I was instead, told what not to do. Drawing attention to what it is you don't want or don't need is what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy. You live up to your own expectations. Your beliefs create your thoughts, your thoughts create your actions, your actions create your habits and your habits determine your character. Ultimately, your character is what determines your destiny.

It's a form of self hypnosis. When you tell yourself over and over again that you don't want to be overweight anymore being overweight is what the mind is being attracted to. It's the same as if I told you not to think of a pink elephant. You'd automatically think about a pink elephant. Do not your inner dialogue to say you need to lose weight. The weight is all you are focusing on rather than your success. Instead, tell yourself that you're getting slimmer everyday. Slim, thin, fit and in-shape are the adjectives that should be used to describe you future-projected-self. My mother used to say “Kevin, Tomorrow never comes”. (A bad reference to my father's promises) Meaning that if I tell you I'll do something tomorrow, soon tomorrow will come and it will be today. Meaning that it'll never be finished because I said I'd do it tomorrow and today is always today. Rather than telling yourself someday that you'll be the person you want to be instead take control of your present state and claim your success now.

Keeping the positive, motivational social group around will guarantee success. This same concept of fulfilling the expectations put on us have proven to be true multiple times in my life and those I've sought information from. When I was a kid I didn't say hi to our family doctor and my mother told him “Kevin is just shy”. The doctor told my mother to never to say that again because I would listen and begin to believe that I was actually shy. That would ultimately be the identity I'd live up to unless I challenged it. The moral of the story is to surround yourself with positive reinforcement. If someone in your group of friends is putting you down and not celebrating your success than it's time to cut them out of your life. Plan and simple.

Men should not have to make a woman accountable for the advancement of an interaction. It is a man’s job to escalate and pursue the woman, typically. A method I use frequently is in where I’ll take one step forward. If she’s receptive I’ll enjoy that moment with her and take one step back before I push the interaction further the next time I begin to escalate it.

For example, say I was to put my arms around a girl for a brief hug and she responded positively. I would then let go of her quickly and joke around a bit more. Then, when she laughed with me or began portraying any kind of happiness or excitement I’d hold her hand with our fingers intertwined and give her a kiss on the cheek. Notice how holding hands and kissing are more overt forms of touch over the brief hug. Also, make sure if it’s the first time you’re holding her hand or giving her a kiss that it is extremely brief.

On the other hand, if she was unreceptive or responded negatively to your ‘one step forward’, then I’d take ‘two steps back.’ Two steps backwards from a failed hug attempt would be a high-five. Then, you can gradually build it up to being able to go for a hug again.

The worst thing you can do is do nothing and walk away. Most women are just testing to see if you’d leave before you’d stay and talk. That’ll give you the opportunity to go for the hug again a few minutes later. All in all, guys are responsible for the escalation of physical touch just most are too aggressive or too passive.

Hey, check out a video of all the fun I'm having in New York with past clients and friends.

Eye contact is crucial to sustaining attraction. It is also important when holding the attention of multiple people. When you are telling a story to three or more people and ignore giving eye contact to someone, that one person will trail off and stop listening to you. I estimate a good two seconds of eye contact to each person in a larger group. One thing that I learned while holding the attention of groups of new people was that I had to engage the most unreceptive people in my conversation. I’d lose all their attention if I didn’t address the unreceptive person of the group. They are either shy or don’t want to be bothered. A shy person usually lights up as soon as you give them attention, because they didn’t want to cut you off. The stubborn person will just refrain from answering you and hope their friends stop giving you all the attention. Luckily, this person loosens up as soon as you have the whole group laughing and carrying on.

One rule of thumb for approaching women you should adopt is the three second rule. You’ve probably heard of it before but I’ve got a situational use for it. Firstly, I never actually count to three before approaching a woman so, don’t take this literally. Yet, what I do when a make eye contact with a women or if she seems to be looking in my general vicinity I immediately get up from where I am sitting and make my way over. If I wait any longer I strongly believe she has a biological clock going off in her head that is telling her that the longer I wait to approach the more of a sucker I am. Don’t worry about what to say, you’ll find out after introducing yourself. The reasoning behind this is that she had given you an invitation to approach and you took initiative. She automatically sees you as a decisive, positive, and determined man. Ultimately you are able to assume attraction as soon as you introduce yourself.

What’s the stage after attraction? You’ll have to get to know each other, so just ask. Being curious is key and being complimentary is golden. To add onto the blog post before last (State: Your... ) , eye contact also transfers different states. Imagine marrying the woman you’ve just met on the street while staring in her eyes and she may feel a bit constricted. Visualize yourself and her having an amazing time drinking wine on your roof deck while gazing into her left eye and you can be sure she’ll be giving up her number.

I've released my first video on YouTube. They'll be more to come so just search for my name.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable when someone felt nervous or acted awkward around you? The reason behind this is that we are all able to recognize unconsciously through body language, another person’s state of mind or emotion. If another person unconsciously reads that I am a happy person they can associate that within themselves and in-turn allows them to mirror my state of emotion. How do you get into a positive state of being and allow yourself to have a good time? Discussing meeting people during the daytime many guys are dreading the initial introduction. I’ve touched lightly on this subject before but it’s easier said than done.

Even I, at times can’t make an approach due to my state of daze I enter while my mind wanders. Especially if I’m having an issue at work or a problem I need to focus or take new perspectives on. Yet, I was out with a client this past week and had a great example of how being in a positive state allowed me to enter a state of flow. By a ‘state a flow’ I mean a situation in where I find myself speaking freely without putting much thought into it and I am essentially impressing myself, (since I’m putting together brand new stories and points) more than I am impressing the person I am interacting with. The first group of people I approach while out, can be understood to be unreceptive to my introduction. Though this is rarely the case, I can say it is fair that, by the third person or group I approach I am in a high energy and playful state. By this time I have no need to put my hands out or even verbalize much. Instead, to catch the attention of an interesting person I’ll proceed to make solid strong eye contact, smile and then say “Hi”. From there on, I can give reason to why I found this person interesting and lead the conversation into the direction I so choose.

Let this be a lesson to you, if you are going out to meet new people and work-out your social muscles. After you are smiling, feeling energized or just happy to be meeting new people this is the time to try out new behaviors. Make strong eye contact and lure people in with your positive energy and they’ll be sure to reciprocate. Especially when in a positive state, allow yourself to slow down the interaction and enjoy the silence and the sexual tension solid eye contact creates. Next post will be concerning eye contact.

Here is a preview of the new look and feel of The Art of Charm brand. You're first to see it and next week the new site should be officially launched. Enjoy!

How do I respond when someone asks me what I do for a living? Well it’s difficult and out of character for me to lie. I say “I am a dating coach”. It is usually very fascinating to people and it can lead to a few different and interesting conversations. After meeting so many people and fine-tuning my social skills I have found this conversation to lead down two similar paths. On one hand it can be fascinating, while on the other it can be threatening. This has nothing to do with gender; rather it has to do with each person’s value and belief system. To really break down the negative responses we can look at the negative light cast upon this industry from such cynical and manipulative so-called dating gurus.




I have no harsh feelings whatsoever towards anyone associated with the seduction community since I am knowledgeable on many of their teachings and have found them to be useful in learning and teaching self-improvement.Yet, just as there are horrible people in this world, we have our share of awkward characters in this industry. We will never get away from the bad apples anywhere in life we just have to be sophisticated enough to distinguish the two. This comes with experience, just as success in any foreign behavior and or mindset requires. Then there are the people who are highly captivated by what I do for a living and accept and congratulate it. I can really open up to these people whether they are interested in learning more or not, the sheer notion of having accepting what it is I am truly passionate for, can allow me to make a solid emotional connection with that person.

All in all, I am here to help people find what it is they want and need. As a result I’ll be accomplishing the same. Even though there are those who are skeptical and criticizing of what I teach there is no doubt in my mind that they have chosen one of two outlooks. Either they are insecure of the fact that they are their own worst enemies or they have just met some weird dating coaches. I can be honest enough to admit that I came to this industry initially to be better with women. I now know that it's about finding that right one and she can either be on the other side of the world or even already in my phone book.

Sticking with the original structure of the Pickup Podcast, I'm going to provide my friends with a social toolbox. You'll need the fundamentals of an effective interaction in order to start taking control of your social settings, leading interactions, giving value, making someone's day and ultimately, being selective. Sounds like a lot? Well, it's not all that complicated. Last week I gave you a few concepts and techniques used in meeting someone during day. Yet, some people have a hard time in beginning a conversation with someone anywhere and anytime. Yes, it's easier said than done but after dissecting this, we can make it even easier done, than said. Also known as opening or using an opener we must come to realize that we successfully open someone as soon as they become aware of our presence or 'exist' to them.

Advanced Attraction Arts internalized from the teachings of Joshua Pellicer and Johnny Dzubak of The Art of Charm.What does a woman find attractive in a man?There is an underlying concept of attraction that creates curiosity in the opposite sex. Attraction is purely a curiosity and or interest in someone else. As confusing as attraction from women to men can seem there are reoccurring themes and patterns found in these relationships. A woman is generally and typically attracted to a successful man. Being a provider and protector a man is fulfilling his generalized gender role and allows for a flourishing relationship with his nurturing partner. To provide typically means to be the bread winner and essentially calls for the man to provide either financially or mentally. If the man cannot fulfill his role financially he can hold the relationship together when things are shaky by not cracking under pressure and keeping his composure so that a relationship can survive financial hardships and emotional turmoil.

This is how come men who are still in school, unemployed and or living at home with their parents are still successful at attracting women.It is not the actual possessions of a man who defines who he is or dictates his attractiveness to women. It is the potential he has to make his future work towards his favor. Ambition, decisiveness, leadership, a positive outlook and assertiveness are the attractive qualities women look for in a man. In addition to those a man should also encompass these three moods, mindsets attitudes or behaviors. A man should be able to be a boy, a friend and a man. We will touch on these lightly next week.