I'm in Miami...
Hey everyone, as some of you may know I am now in Miami. I escaped the madness of New York and came out to Miami for the next 2 months. By October it seems that I will be in Brasil. If everything stays streamline than you can be sure to not see me in the states until April 2010. It's been one the craziest yet rewarding years of my life and would like to share my experiences with everyone. I am still available on facebook, through e-mail or call me directly on my phone 917 455 4045
Video Examples of awesome style, eye contact, body language and flirting. Jude Law's style in the movie 'Alfie' is sharp, Leonardo Dicaprio's eye contact in 'Romeo + Juliet' is solid, while still being open and accepting. Johnny Depp's walk in the movie 'BLOW' is strong and confident. Russell Brand is able to banter even when he is under pressure. Take Notes :)
Style
Eye Contact
Body Language
Banter
The secrets to getting the Guy You Want.
Guy Secrets Revealed
You can ask guys what they want yet they will all tell you the same thing. Here is my expert advice after working years in the field as a professional Dating Coach and Relationship Expert for both Men and Women.
1. How does a girl get a guy to notice them?
Just be yourself, is the best and worst advice you can give anyone. Ultimately you do want to just be yourself, most people just don’t know when and how. There is nothing wrong with that, we just don’t have many credible sources left especially since the last generation of couples divorce at over 50% of the time.
Men are generally attracted to signs of youth and fertility. You don’t have to necessarily be young or fertile. Just make sure you are full of energy, you are being positive and dress to accentuate your physical assets.
2. How do you get a guy to call you and ask you out?
The best way to get a guy to call you and ask you out is through text messaging. As a rule of thumb, send only 1 text message per 2 texts he sends so you don’t seem so needy. Every text is sent for a reason and the reason behind each text message should be that you want to see him again. Insinuate by telling him what you enjoy doing. Give him easy outs. After asking him what he did this weekend, send him this “I smoked hookah… it was new…and I like new things J”. This is communicating inadvertently that he can invite you anywhere and you would go with him; not because you like him but because you like trying new things. This keeps the mystery and tension going and allows for a bigger payout once he cashes in on his investment. People rarely value what has been handed to them on a silver platter. Let him figure out this puzzle. If he does, he will become more attracted to you.
3. How do you ask a guy out so that he won't say no?
Invite him to an event you would have gone without him anyways. If he flakes and you are sitting alone at the cocktail bar for three hours than it is no ones fault but your own. If you aren’t sure that he is into yet, then don’t invite him out to an intimate meeting. Take the pressure off the situation and meet him out at the mall so he can meet your friends while you were out shopping anyways.
4. How do you make a guy like you?
This is a very detailed question and answer so I will give you the short version until I post my next article at http://www.kevinsalas.com. Ultimately people value what they have to work for. Please don’t use this advice in your current relationship because it may push away your partner. Yet, when first meeting someone you have to be willing to lose them in order to keep them. This means that at times you may have to seem like you have other options. Initially take things lightly. Ask him many questions and he will start to give up personal information. If you are accepting and allow him to feel good being ‘himself’ around you, he will want to do it more often. This is coped with a balance of body language and psychological techniques and with enough experience you can have men wrapped around your finger.
5. What is the right way to flirt with a guy?
Prolonged eye contact will make a weaker man look away. If he looks down than he is the submissive type and can be easily manipulated. Smiling and making eye contact that lingers demonstrates interest whether sexual or not. Laughing at his jokes and lightly tapping him in a playful way will send the message loud and clear to a confident man. Lean-in when talking to him and while still talking start to lean-back away from him. Switching back and forth your body language can cause him to chase you. If he begins to lean-in it is because he is interested.
6. What's the one thing you should never tell a guy?
Talking about your ex is something most guys do not want to hear before any physical relationship has been established. Your previous relationships are usually something you talk about with your female friends. Not only will he feel labeled as a friend but you may also lose attraction for him while he listens and absorbs all your emotional baggage. This is only before you begin a sexual relationship. Nothing in this article is a definitive yes or no; yet it is a guideline for generalizing something that varies between some individuals. Body language is almost always precise. Communication is more than 50% body language and tonality. This means that what you say really doesn’t matter.
Top 5 Date Ideas (part 2)
An interview-style date, where you interrogate and trade resumes with each other doesn’t sound like a lot of fun, right? Make a point to take the date on the fun route by loosening up and not taking it so seriously. You normally don’t take women you are not attracted to so seriously which tends to make them feel attracted towards you. Just because she is someone who makes you feel butterflies in your stomach shouldn’t be the reason why you ‘jump the gun’ by inviting her out to everything you do. If you are both ready for an exclusive relationship then it’s okay to hang out often. If logically you know that at this time you can’t commit to it than play to your abundance mentality or lifestyle and do things that don’t always have to involve her.
1. Kiddie Park/ Playground. She should understand that you both could have fun together no matter where you go. The best way to set up this dynamic is by actually doing it rather than saying it. Start out the day by pushing her on the swings. Later, when you are on the couch with her those initial good feelings you gave her will still be attached to the time she spends with you. She will relate fun with you and know that no other guy can make her feel the way you do. You can see who can cross the monkey bars faster, show her your strength by doing a few pull-ups all while playing to the whole elementary school ‘boys vs. girls’ dichotomy. A great first kiss can be had on the mini-bridge if you guys manage to sneak-in after dark it can get really intimate.
2. Take Silly Pictures in front of Monuments/ Movie Posters/ Everywhere. Anything can be silly if you look at it that way. Look for movie posters you can stand in front of and imitate. Look for statues that you can pose with in awkward positions. Cover up certain words on signs to make them say provocative things. Post the pictures up on a social networking site to show that you really care and she will relive those fun moments every time she looks through your photo album.
3. People Watching/ Park Walk/ Beach Volleyball/ Soccer/ Frisbee/ Kite Flying. Watching people in a high-traffic environment allows for many conversational topics to arise. Sit with her and make split-second decisions about what this person is thinking, where they are going and what they do for a living. If you see a guy holding flowers wearing shorts and sandals he probably is going on a first date to the beach. There are no right or wrong assumptions, they just allow for you to have fun and take things lightly. You can do the same on the beach and bring along a radio, some snacks and fun beach activities like a kite, frisbee, or beachball.
4. Kmart/ Vintage Store/ Shopping/ Ice cream Judging/ Wine-tasting. Take her to Kmart, Walmart, Target or any huge apartment store that has tons of things to play around with. Tell her you have to so some shopping and she can come a long with you. You can challenge her to the free video games, throw a football at her, hula-hoop battle and let her buy anything she wants for a dollar and twenty-five cents. At the vintage store you can try on ridiculous looking clothes and even take silly pictures. You guys can also go out and be the judge of certain things like wine or ice cream. It’s a great way to show that you stick by your opinions while still being open to experiencing new things.
5. Extreme Sports/ Bungee/ Sky-diving/ Road Trip/ Trapeze Lessons/ Helicopter or Small Plane Ride/ Parasailing/ Surfing/ Wakeboarding. This may be a bit out of her repertoire, yet it’s a great way to test to see if a girl is willing to let go and enjoy any and everything life has to offer. A road-trip can be great if you have plans to stop many places and befriend many people along the way demonstrating savoir fare (the ability to make everyone your best friend regardless of race, religion or creed).
Top 5 Date Ideas
In the beggining of a conversation the pressure is on. Both parties are a little nervous. What do we do normally when we feel uncomfortable? We laugh.
If you get her laughing she will wonder why you aren't 'trading resumes' with her like most guys do. (for ex..."what do you do?, where are you from?...etc.) And you will break the tension.
Since you haven't given up the usual 'resume' information she will become curious. This will cause her to become invested in your conversation and start asking questions. By making her do what she does when she is normally attracted to someone she will start to convince herself that she is attracted to you.
Don't take the conversation so seriously. Be silly. I call this BANTERING. Here are a few lines I created and used for over 4 years of approaching women and dating multiple women. You can use these immedialety to start a conversation, make her laugh, get her chasing you and or keep the conversation going.
You're cute, but you look like trouble
You're my new girlfriend...wait, are you safe?
Don't look at me like that...I'm not just a big butt and a smile.
Think you can take me?...girl I'd tickle you 'till you pee your pants.
Whoa Whoa. Don't kick my ass now
...e-mail me at kevinsalas45@gmail.com for a full list and suggestions for what kind of content you would like to see in the future.
"When you want a guy to kiss you, how do you let him know?"
Listen to what WOMEN HAD TO SAY...
CLICK FOR WOMEN'S ANSWERS
For me, being aware of what is really going on below the surface of verbal communication really changed how I perceived myself and others. Before I started looking for signs of whether or not I was able to kiss a girl I didn’t look for anything. In fact I just assumed she didn’t want to kiss me. What I would do is log the amount of time I spent in really close proximity to her. Like if we were dancing and I was really close to her face for a few minutes without backing off, then I knew she would most likely be willing to kiss me.
What I really remember was that when I was drunk I would just walk up to a girl and kiss her. It really surprised me the way I would act. It was like somehow I knew these girls liked me and wanted to kiss me. I feel as if as men we aren’t aware of the subtle body language hints women give to us in order to confirm her attraction towards us. We feel it, but most of us don’t believe it. Either it’s because we don’t believe we deserve the best in life or we just haven’t learned to trust our intuition-feelings-unconscious minds (which most women have). I believe it’s for good reason men don’t rely on ‘reading body language’.
A man should be a man. In the simplest way put. I feel the easiest way to get over this limiting belief is by changing it. Instead of believing that you have to ‘see it to believe it’ your knew mindset should be “I have to believe it to see it”. This will allow you to believe that she wants the kiss, then you may start to notice the signs, and even before that you should already be making the move. Be willing to ‘pull the trigger’ as some call it. They say “You miss 100% of the shots you never take”. This is your new mantra.
What can you look for? Constant eye-contact. If she holds eye-contact and doesn’t break it, then she feels comfortable with you. You are going to have to be able to hold contact as well, because if you break it you will lose her test and ultimately be filtered out as most men have. Also, be aware of how much you have touched her. If you are holding her hand then it is more than likely she feels comfortable enough for you to go on. Here a few simple (not set-in-stone) guidelines to follow.
- Make sure you have held her hand prior. - You will feel uncomfortable and so will she if you haven't touched yet.
- Your Hesitation = Her Reservation. - If you doubt yourself, so will she.
- Don’t wait until the end of the date. She expects it, spontaneity is an attractive trait
- Lean-in 90% of the way and hold it. Just like in the movie 'Hitch'
- If she doesn’t want to kiss you - Smile and change subjects. - Don't get angry or over-explain yourself
People go to parties to socialize, drink and have fun. Finally, we get some time to play and take a day away from work. We know that women are attracted to social status and personal value in a man. Throw a party and you will automatically have the highest social status in the room. People look to be led by you. You become the leader of a social circle if you do this right. Invite attractive women to your parties and make them feel more comfortable in your home.
1. Invite a Social Circle. Find people that are open to trying out new things and elicit their personal interests. You wouldn’t invite a devout Christian girl to a stoner death metal party now, would you? Make people feel good so they will enjoy being around you. Be honest about your intentions. Say “I know a lot of people so I throw parties, come by Friday”. Invite people personally, through text messaging but especially over the phone. Post your party on social networking sites like Facebook or Myspace to get a laundry list of people to come.
2. Invite a Group of Women. Be aware of whether or not the women you are meeting have friends. Be curious and ask her questions about them. What do they do for fun? How do they know each other? How does she feel about them? It’s up to you which route you take next. Women can become jealous so dating them all can become a risk if you treat anyone of them differently. Ultimately, you want to treat them like a group. Establish with her how your relationship works. Is your relationship secretive or is it out in the open? I prefer the latter. Communicate any changes you wish to make in the relationship.
3. Choose the type of party. If you can’t imagine what the party would be like there is less of a chance you will go. Paint a vivid picture for everyone of what your party would be like. ‘Get-togethers’ are parties with only a few people. Play beer-pong, guitar hero, smoke hookah, and warm-up for a larger party at a ‘get-together’. Bigger parties have space to dance, loud music and pair well with a full keg of beer, or two. After parties are parties after the party. Pool parties and BBQ’s are great for the summer time and spending the whole day socializing.
4. Throw a themed party. Themes parties have to be taken seriously. Well, they are actually the least serious of parties but cooperation should still be seriously enforced. Themed parties allow for role-playing situations that are similar to a party on Halloween. Hollywood parties include high-heels, suits, ties and your pair of trusty cufflinks. Hawaiian parties are for flower shirts, sandals and coconut shell bras. Pimp’s n Ho’s parties are for pimp cups, alligator boots, and short skirts. Free everyone of societal rules and cut loose during a wild themed party.
5. Tricks of The Trade. Give people roles to play at the party. Make someone the door greeter, make someone the bartender and put someone in control of the music. This makes it easier for you to lead the social circle and takes a load off of your back. Depending on the music you play, you can make either a fun or seductive atmosphere for the party. Dimmer lights dilate our pupils and make us appear more attractive to the opposite sex. People will want to stay longer if you have enough seats for them. Drinks shouldn’t be all out on the table at once. Conserve for the long night ahead and next week’s party. Watch the girl-to-guy-ratio. Having more women at the party demonstrates an abundance of choices. A woman can’t help but be attracted to a man that has options. The fewer guys at your party the more valuable each guy becomes. Set boundaries by not allowing a certain amount of people to come or limiting entry to certain rooms. This will make people respect you and prevent them from taking advantage of you.
Regularly talk to people about your parties so they can picture themselves going. Be aware of your guest’s comfort. Your party isn’t anything without your friends. If you don’t get to know them as friends they won’t come back to another one of your parties. You won’t need to supplicate by spending tons of many for people to come. People will bring drinks to your party if you make them feel good.
Top 5 Ways to Improve at Home
Becoming naturally attractive to women is done in more ways than one. Essentially, you can “attract women” without literarily trying to “attract women”. Life is not only about attracting women. You can lose your own identity and true connections with people if you stray to far from reality. Set aside time dedicated to yourself and time for meeting women. Being attractive starts as soon as you wake up in the morning. You should always feel confident. This is a life-changing experience. This will help your ‘best self’ be present always in all aspects of your life.
1. Fitness. Working hard on your physique takes time and effort. This investment you make pays off with confidence and self-worth. You will first believe you are confident. Appreciate the compliments people give you after working-out for only a week. It’s not your actual physique that’s changing. It’s because you believe in yourself that you stand with such confident posture now.
2. Nutrition. The only way to make big changes physically is through proper dieting and exercise. One of the best ways to regulate your diet is by cooking your own food. Cooking speaks loudly about how you value yourself as a man. Cooking with her on your first date is fun, inexpensive and intimate.
3. Find a Passion. Improv class is fun and educational. It will help you to be “in the moment”, smarter and wittier. Learn to make music. Write songs, or play an instrument. Just listening to music allows you to become more creative, expressive and in touch with your emotions. Take a dancing class. Play a sport. Each passion will help you to become more determined, ambitious, and disciplined. Being open to learning new things is the most attractive trait anyone can ever possess.
4. Keep Friends. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Accept being alone from time to time. Once in a while, be able to go to bed and wake up whenever you want. You are a man and a man doesn’t hide what he needs from other people. Friends should be understanding and an outlet for your emotions. They will be there for you, before and after romantic relationships. Good friends are critical and are completely honest with you and your mistakes. They hold you accountable for your faults. You can’t be successful on your own. They should inspire you to continuously grow.
5. Cultivate a Charismatic Lifestyle. Women are everywhere. You should always be ready and willing to put yourself out there. Accept yourself for who you really are. Being honest with yourself allows for you to be honest with everyone else. This creates long-lasting friendships and relationships. Becoming a man is not about becoming manipulative. Face your bad habits, make plans to change them and take action.
Once you take action you will see immediate change. Picture the man you wish to become. Where is he? What does he look like? What is he doing? How do people react to him? If you don’t change now then you will still be the same man later. Having a love for you motivates this process. If you don’t address your needs you will never get what you deserve. You will have a shorter and disease-ridden life if you ignore your physical and mental health. Focusing solely on “attracting women” will cause other aspects of your life to falter. Instead, be open to learning from people. You need to cultivate a charismatic lifestyle if you want to keep the women you meet. You will have your life together. Of course, if you do not approach women there won’t be any women in your life to begin with. Remember, you will have to work to keep this lifestyle. It’s easy to lose sight of these things after you become highly successful with women. Good Luck!
Your Welcome :)
I always thought about this and always wanted to share my thoughts on this exact subject. Really, I want to put emphasis on how much girls owe it to us for doing what it is that we do as a company. I mean really, it wasn’t for us a lot of these guys would be doing the same thing that guys have been doing for years. Just think about it, we help these guys show these girls the times of their lives. We give them confidence so they become funny, they have fun times and the cliché dinner and a movie has evolved into these adventurous dates women only dream about. We make these guys become cool and not creepy and we teach them to be determined and persistent. We teach them to be leaders and to treat people with respect.
It’s amazing to me because I see how worried guys are about the texts they send out to women. I get requests all day about what a guy should send a girl on a text message, phone call, whatever. Women don’t realize how much thought we put into making them laugh, making them feel comfortable, make them feel appreciated, not only by their beauty but by qualities we teach guys to now be aware of. I mean there is just so much that is not noticed and my company is still under-fire by people who are not accepting, closed off and usually insecure about improving their dating lives. I mean this service has been offered for years. It’s only when we make it real-life and not Hollywood like the movie ‘Hitch’ that people begin to get scared. Ultimately this post was supposed to be about the benefits to women my company has created but I will continue that on my next post. Actually I just wanted to let people know that I love what I do and teaching guys how to not be shy in front of a group of people is something I will always be satisfied with.
I was recently on Sirius Satellite radio, so I will have that episode posted up on my blog soon.
For now, I wanted to share with you guys how I have just been added to LivePerson website as an Expert on relationships.
Click Below to
Chat Live with Me Now!
February 25, 2009
Hey, hope you guys enjoyed the video with me and Berto. Berto works for the business side of The Art of Charm and can answer your calls almost 24/7. He's a great guy who I lived with for about 4 months.
I wanted to drop our last concept and dive into a new one because my friend Eric from Boston had a great forum post on Bantering. He emailed it to me, I added a few points and he posted it on the Pickup Podcast forums. I thought it was money so I am posting it up here as well.
Here goes....
Banter
By : Eric from Boston
What Is Banter?
Banter is the basis of flirting; it contains very little “content” or valuable information. Essentially, it’s teasing in a playful way. Some call it breaking rapport; I call it, just having fun! Banter is a fantastic way to build STRONG attraction quickly. When I use banter, it sends the message that I am a person who likes to have fun and do not take things too seriously. It’s also a great way to actively display non-neediness. An important thing to remember, however, is that Banter should stop once a girl has qualified herself.
Why Banter Will Generate Attraction
Neediness is arguably the most unattractive quality in a man. Banter significantly helps reduce neediness, replacing it with humor and entertainment. It is the best way I know to verbally instigate the “cat-string theory”. Cat-string theory compares a cat chasing a string to a human chasing an interaction. If the string is dangling, the cat will be entertained for hours, but when the string falls and lies still on the ground, the cat loses interest. Similarly, a woman will probably lose interest once she knows she can “get” a guy, so he must entertain her in a way that makes her think she hasn’t “gotten” him yet. Anyway, banter also displays a lack of nervousness and inhibition. A man who can easily banter with a beautiful girl, is a man who is comfortable speaking with and teasing beautiful girls. Banter is itself a demonstration of high value.
Some examples of banter lines:
- Hey now! I’m not just some piece of meat.
- I’m high maintenance. You gotta wine and dine me!
- You’re adorable, but are you housetrained?
- You are TOO cute! Get outta here!
- OMG! You’re too much! How do they handle you?
How You Must Use Your Banter Lines—Banter Body Language
All banter must be delivered with a BIG SMILE that shows you are CLEARLY JOKING. I have seen too many guys throw out some ridiculous banter lines with a serious face. Then the girls get offended! No wonder, she took them seriously! Banter is content-less, playful “fluff” that serves one purpose: to instigate attraction! For this reason, banter lines need not be repeated. Let me reiterate that, DO NOT REPEAT BANTER LINES! Repeating meaningless, flirty lines displays low value. If she asks, “What?” just throw another banter line. Tease her that her “ears are too cute to hear you”. Everything is fun and positive and does not always have to make sense. For example, one of my favorite things to say to tall girls is, “You could probably eat peanuts off my head, huh?” It’s something I heard when I was young that stuck with me. I don’t even know what it means!
Banter Mindset
The main reason banter builds attraction easily, is because it breaks the state that most people were in and reminds them of what it was like to be a kid again. Banter is about being a little boy, just like when you were in elementary school, running around the playground and teasing the girls. This is no different! For those who’ve heard the term “getting in state,” when you are in-state, Banter comes very naturally. That’s the best place to be for building attraction. For those who are thinking, “Oh, this isn’t me. I could never do that,” please understand that is a limiting belief and it only stems from deep-rooted feelings of inferiority. You CAN do this! Like any skill, it takes practice to become good at bantering.
After You Banter, Qualify
Once the attraction is there, banter should transition into qualification. This can be as simple as, “You seem like a really fun girl to me. What puts a smile on your face?” If she’s attracted to you at this point (which she will be, if you’ve bantered successfully), she’ll qualify herself to you. Once this happens, you MUST accept her for what she’s told you. Her: “Puppies put a smile on my face,” you: “Awesome! Puppies rock,” not: “OMG, you WOULD like puppies, wouldn’t you?” If you tease her after she qualifies, you’re shooting yourself in the foot. Qualification is the stepping stone from Banter to Rapport, the transition from breaking rapport to establishing rapport. I’ve made this mistake too many times, and I learned from it eventually. Learn from MY mistakes, so you don’t have to make your own mistakes!
Practice!
Practice bantering with yourself in the mirror, or with a friend. It will most likely feel awkward at first, but how do you expect to banter with a beautiful girl if you can’t do it with a close friend? With experience, it will become very natural and you’ll be bantering with everyone like it’s your job!
I asked my friend, Kevin Salas who's recently been made famous by the Pickup Podcast, for his skills in building quick, SOLID attraction. Here is what he had to add:
Just understand that in demonstrating high value, Body Language and Touch are your biggest tools for generating attraction. All that is left is the verbal content. Bantering is strictly no content conversation. If you banter with a woman everything attractive will be demonstrated through your body language. Since you really are not saying anything (Bantering) your attractive body language will be read and she will be instantly attracted to you. Banter allows time to pass without you investing anything into the interaction. You are not trying to impress her or jump into rapport to quickly like they expect you to. Bantering forces you to be in the moment and creates quick wit. Unlike routines it allows you to calibrate much quicker since you can actually choose to listen to what she has to say or out-frame her. Ultimately the beginning of any interaction is intense and by bantering you break the tension through laughter.
Since communication is more than half transfered through Body Language than what you say truly does not matter. The less content the better. That's why bantering is your best bet in creating attraction out of thin air. Demonstrating High Value is just that. Demonstrating not Conversating. Trying to verbally convince someone how much of a badass you are can get some people laid. Yet, the people who are extremely good at this are able to date women not because of what they do or who they know. Instead they get what they want because of HOW they are. If you were such a badass you wouldn't have to talk about it.
This can be a 3 hour lecture yet, what most guys don't understand is this. Bantering doesn't make any sense. It's emotional. Meaning it's not logical. You can say your banter line "I'm not a piece of meat" and I can say "You're totally cute...We can go back and forth with our banter lines and thats how a banter conversation would sound like.
Does that make sense?...Nope it makes dollars
My Favorite Banter Lines are:
"Oh my god you girls are so totally cute"
"Get out of here, don't look at me like that, I know what you're thinking"
"Stop, stop being so cute, why don't you frown or something"
So guys, practice that Banter and post your experiences and new ideas here! Also, feel free to post your favorite banter lines. I'm sure we'll see some CRAZY ones!
e
February 23, 2009
Berto and I just wanted to go over a few things floating in our heads. Approaching seems to be the number one issue on guys minds. We can teach you all the techniques possible but if you keep talking yourself out of it than you won't get far. Today's lesson is to...Put your negatives in the past. I can't approach becomes... I could not approach in the past....make sense? Holler
Always Be Learning
I fill really happy after this last program and it's because everything was flawless. My coaching, my game, in-class, in-field...it was almost to good to be true. This is what we like to call unconscious competence. Briefly the stages of learning are...
Unconscious Incompetence (You don't know you suck)
Conscious Incompetence (You are aware that you suck)
Conscious Competence (You are aware that you are now good)
Unconscious Competence (You are good without noticing it a.k.a. Being Natural)
There's at least a two hour lecture to go behind these points but a quick definition will help me get to the point of this blog post. Right now I'm doing what I do and I'm doing it well. Today is my lazy Sunday and besides relaxing I'm going to figure out what I can work on. No matter how good last week went I have to look at some negative points. Then I have to write them out and pick one new thing that I'm going to get obsessed with.
The only thing that stands out right now is on the teaching side and socializing side of my life. Both are similar in that I have to hold court in both situations. I have to work on projecting my voice a lot louder allowing it to resonate and make eye contact or address everyone in the group with my hands. These are all things that I am already good at yet I know it can be a whole lot better.
Since it took a while to get my lectures and stories really well polished now I can focus more on the body language that is going to be the most natural and engaging. Ultimately by the end of the day this may not be the thing I work solely on. I'm going over my weekly notes now and I'll see what tickles my fancy the most and take that on. 'Till next time...I'll Holler atchya :)
Get Up and Go!
February 17, 2009
You know, if it weren't for the influential people around me I wouldn't have done half of the things that I have. Maybe, I am easily influenced. Whether I am or not, luckily I have positive influences around me that live there lives so fluently and at ease it's something that I strive to maintain. Recently I've decided to go traveling.
I truly adore my job and helping others see that they deserve the best and in doing so tend to get the best. I also wanted to make sure that I made time for me. I had to be completely honest with myself and realize the only person holding me back from seeing the world was myself.
As i am writing this I am looking for plane tickets or cruise tickets so that I can buy them. If I take initiative and buy these tickets than I have no choice but to do what it is that I want. I really want to see more of the world and have time to enjoy alone and with someone special.
Never say that you don't have time. Buy the ticket and set the date. Take a week off from work and go somewhere you have never been before. If that's want you want to do. Don't be easily influenced by me. Traveling may not be something that intrigues you. Yet, if you have always wanted to go to a live rock concert than stop being a little bitch and buy the ticket!
My Last 2 bootcamps
Holy Moly. These last two bootcamps were amazing. I never had guys do such a great job before. Yet, it also took a toll on me. I took a step back when it came to demonstrating for guys and decided I'd take more of an assessment role in and outside of the class.
Chicago was awesome. I don't how me, Alex and Johnny handled 15 guys and made it back to New York alright. Our last bootcamp in New York was pretty exhausting. I love how Johnny could do a 3 day bootcamp all by himself if he wanted to. Talking for 7 straight hours a day takes brass balls.
I'm glad, I don't have a bootcamp for another 2 weeks. It's funny, because during a bootcamp I can't wait until it's over and on my days off I can't wait until the next one. I guess I just love seeing guys get what they want out of their social lives.
Ultimately I'm still on cloud 9 because this year has been awesome and my Valentine's Day was incredible. I wish you all a Happy V day and more to come. Me and Alex Weber from the Art of Charm will be posting Video Podcasts soon to come. So, send me any questions or anything you want to see from us and email them to me at Kevin@theartofcharm.com
Weekly Update
I recently attended two seminars where I sat and learned from 2 different dating coaches. The first seminar was hosted by Art, a dating coach based out of
Dave had one real cool concept that stuck out at me. He said guys who are trying to get better at meeting and dating women generally have one of these two problems. Either the guy would have a problem with escalating or a problem with calibrating. Escalating means making the interaction more intimate by means of touch or intent. Calibrating means to modify what it is you’re doing according to the circumstances in order to perfect your approach. Escalating consciously isn’t as bad because if you escalate you will have more results and naturally tend to calibrate. Calibrating consciously is bad only because if you try and micro-manage every situation you will most likely never escalate and become to analytical and or hesitant.
The other seminar I went to was held by J.T. Williams, better known as the Asian Playboy. It was alright but there wasn’t much content. In place of the content was a lot of stories about what he did. He talked about how to get guy from cockblocking but, ultimately it lacked practical content. I’m leaving to Chicago to teach a bootcamp tomorrow morning and I’ll be back to give you the details…’till then…go out there and meet some women!
Being short, should not matter because it’s only one part of your entire being. Obviously you and I have done things in our lives that many people aren’t capable of. I have played sports, made music and learned a lot about anything I found interest in. I’ve had failures just as I have had successes. There should be more than a few instances where you have been victorious and accomplished something you can be proud of. If being short has ever held you back from being a great student, friend or family member than why should it hold you back from getting anything else you want? It is an invalid excuse that has proven time and time again to not hold me back from dating who I so choose.
Being short is an external issue and could have no direct affect on your inner beliefs. We all know that men are attracted to signs of youth and fertility in women. While women, are typically attracted to social status and personal value in men. You get what it is that you expect. You are shooting yourself in then foot if you believe that women are not attracted to you. Women are typically attracted to every social man they encounter. The man that stands out through establishing signs of potential high social status can ultimately get and keep the girl.
A woman that would reject a short man isn’t denying him for that reason and that reason alone. It’s her logical mind that rationalizes that idea. She cannot logically explain to anyone what her emotional mind is feeling. If the guy is boring, cannot elicit emotions within her, and protect her emotionally, than the attraction cannot and will not be solidified.
What you should do is look at the science behind why you are actually at an advantage being a shorter guy. Taller women grew up usually being placed in a masculine role due to their size. Since most men are smaller than women in their teens, these taller women were outcast and never appreciated for their beauty. It’s your job to make her feel like an attractive woman and appreciate her for her sexuality, intelligence and understanding. Tell her what it is you see in her that makes her an attractive woman to you. This will cement the attraction.
If you are familiar with eye-accessing cues than you would know that looking down accesses your emotions. People typically look down to elicit some sort of emotions whenever they need to explain how they really are feeling. When taller women look down and speak to you they are feeling emotional. This allows you to easily acquaint yourself to her good-feelings. Elicit the right emotions with her and every time she is around you she will not want to leave.
You will be surprise the first time you are genuine and confident enough to fully believe in what I am telling you. If you are not approaching taller than you are missing out on a lot of opportunity to meet a woman that can be just perfect for you. There is no way you can honestly say you are not attracted to them. If you have never approached and pursued a taller woman than you are just lying to yourself and wasting the short time that you have on this earth. No pun intended.
