Banter, what is banter some might ask? It’s a tool any social person should use in the beginning of any interaction. Banter is fun, playful light-hearted conversation. When you banter there should be no-content actually transferred between each other. Meaning that whatever it is you guys are talking about doesn’t need to make logical sense. It’s the kind of conversation you have with your friends and your younger siblings. It’s usually humor driven and performed by the socially fit. The more people you are comfortable bantering with, the more social status you will achieve.

Some people like to put themselves into a role-playing situation when bantering. If I tell my friend that I want to take him out on a dude date but, I say it with a smile on my face than it’s not taken seriously. Bantering should be the opposite of being serious. Bantering is also performed when you are joking around and talk in a way that people will know that you are just kidding. Usually with a big smile on your face your voice will change and become more light and fun. Most people can tell if you’re smiling when talking with you over the phone. This is because your voice becomes much more vibrant and excited when smiling.

There are few key points that will allow you to recognize when you or someone else is bantering. Smiling is huge when bantering because it allows you to stay positive and fun. Make sure you smile and allow for whoever you are speaking with understand that you are just kidding around and or just messing with them.

Also make sure that you are not answering and asking the boring everyday questions. Instead, create some challenges and change the questions into interesting ones. “What, do you do?” becomes “What do you do…for fun?” Now, you won’t be judging what she does for work instead you talk about how much fun it would be for you guys to go out and dance on top of the bar.

When she asks you a question and you feel like you need to infuse some more banter fun into the conversation redirect her question with a silly answer. “I am writer” becomes “I am a bachelorette party stripper but I also do barmitzvahs”.

Also make sure that you are not looking for a response. If you’ve ever told a joke and hoped to the god that someone would laugh usually people wouldn’t. Yet, if you say that joke (even knowing that it’s not funny) and deliver it with no intention of making any laugh except yourself than it’ll come off as funny. Laughing after a banter line will numb the sting of anyone not laughing a long with your joke.

Remember that initially banter is used to break the tension. People laugh when they feel confronted and humor displays a personality which is non-threatening. Humor is the way to most hearts out there and if you can be serious and be silly at the right times, you will be able to show a certain savoir fare most women long for. The only time you shouldn't be joking around is when she shares something with you she has an emotional connection to. In this case, you'll be able to accept her and build rapport.